I love my family. I'm grateful for them. But this family thing gets complicated. As the writer Donald Smith put it
once: The family seems to have two predominant functions: to provide warmth
and love in time of need and to drive each other insane.
Maybe Smith exaggerates, but he’s got a point. How many of you have a great relationship
with every person in your family right now?
Is there a family member you’d rather not see at Thanksgiving
dinner?
Still, whatever the complications of your family, none
of us would be here without them, right?
And beyond that, family or having something like family literally keeps
you alive. If you have strong relationships, your odds of
living longer increase by
50%. That’s 2x times better than the
benefits you get from physical exercise. Do you get what that means? You need connection and community even more
than exercise to live.
And after the horrors of this week, as I saw parents embracing
their children, and other parents realizing that very embrace had been torn
away, I realized just how precious family can be. Then I read that the young man, who made this
horror, hardly had a family, had become
an orphan at 18. I heard him
described with that word heard again and again after so many of these awful acts;
he was a loner.
And here’s the painful reality. In his loneliness,
he wasn’t alone. Almost 1 in 3 Americans describe themselves as
lonely. Some studies say it is closer to
1 in 2. And those numbers tell a tragic story.
Family often is not being what family needs to be. But how does family become that? And if or when your family fails or falls
away, how do you find relationships that give you that family-like intimacy and
connection that you need, that everyone needs.
In these words written to a different sort of family, God shows the
way. Let’s listen and hear what God has
to say.
In the world today, often family doesn’t mean all that
family needs to mean. People get disconnected,
isolated. But how does family become all that family
needs to be? And if family fails or falls away, how do you find
a community that fills that family need?
In these words, God tells you by reminding you what family needs to mean.
Family means a community you don’t choose,
and one that calls you on things others won’t.
And in those two things, God points you to the ultimate family that everyone
needs.
At the very beginning of Paul’s words here, God tells
you what type of community God is creating among Christians. God isn’t creating a club or even a
movement. God is creating a family. That’s
why God begins with not one but two family-oriented words. In most translations,
you can miss it. What you see here in
verse 10 as love one another in mutual affection, literally translates like
this, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.” Now the first family word there, you can see
pretty easily. It’s the same Greek word
as the city that the Super Bowl Champs hail from, Philadelphia, the City of
Brotherly Love. But the second, you find
right at the beginning, and that word is Philastorge,
brotherly devotion. God is saying the
devotion I want you to have is the devotion that families have for one another.
But what sort of devotion to families have? What does it look like? Well, first, in families you find yourselves
devoted to people you’d never choose. I
have a brother, who is a great guy. We
get along great. I’m grateful to have him
in my life. But we honestly don’t have
that much in common. If I met him at a
party, we’d never become friends. It simply
wouldn’t make sense. My family is full
of people like that. Your family
probably is too. Families put you
together with people that on your own, you would never choose. Sometimes that’s because you have an Uncle
that’s obnoxious or a Cousin that drives you nuts. But lots of times, it’s simply folks that are
a bit different than you. Families at their
best expand your horizons, open you to new perspectives, help you understand
different viewpoints.
Twenty or so years ago, my family, the McGowan clan
had a gathering during the Democratic National Convention. One night, we happened to be watching Jesse
Jackson, deliver a powerful keynote speech.
Something fascinating happened in
that room. Every time Jackson delivered
inspiring words on what the government needed to do. Half of the room exclaimed. “Preach it, Jesse! Amen, brother!” The other half exclaimed, “How is he going
to pay for that? Our taxes are going to
go up!” It was clear. Our family did not all share the same political
perspective, but do you know what? We were
family. We had a bond that went deeper
than that.
In the same way, God is saying to these Christians in
Rome. In this community, you don’t get
to choose either. These folks who gather
with you here, they need to become your brothers or sisters. And that’s not because, you always think the
same or enjoy the same things. It’s
because you belong to each other, because you all belong to me.
And when a family is working the way a family needs
to, you have folks there that call you on things others won’t. Sometimes, I worry that I have bad breath. But I never worry about that when I am with
my family. Why? If I have bad breath, they’ll tell me. “Kennedy, your breath stinks. Go brush your
teeth.” In this world, you don’t have
many folks that will do that for you. And
it goes deeper than that. When you are
messing up in far bigger ways than bad breath, a family has folks that will call
you on it. Now sometimes, you may disagree on their
perspective, but you’ll hear it, whether you agree or not. Why?
They care enough to tell you the truth as they see it, even if they know
it might make you mad. And as irritating
that can be, everyone needs that. Why? None of us see ourselves as we really
are. That’s why you’re shocked when you
hear a recording of your voice. “I sound
like that, really?” You need people who
will see things that you can’t and will not only see it but say it to you.
That’s why this passage begins with the words, “Hate
what is evil, and hold fast to what is good.”
That includes hating what is evil in your sister or brother, and calling
them on it, helping them hold fast to what is good. And in this family God is creating, God
calls for that level of honesty, that level of love. As the preacher Bill Coffin once put
it. Love without criticism is a kind of
betrayal. And God is saying, in this
family, I don’t want that betrayal. I
want people who love you enough to tell you the truth, as they see it, even
when that’s hard.
Through Paul, God tells these Christians in Rome. Be devoted to one another like that. And all the words that follow proceed from this
call to devotion, including that words that make it clear how difficult this
sort of devotion can be. Just hear them
again. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be
patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Do you see what God is saying? God
is telling you. This sort of love won’t
be easy. So, don’t lag in zeal. Be patient in suffering, like when that
sister or brother drives you nuts. And
keep praying to me to help you love folks that don’t seem all that
lovable.
For these things are hard, harder than you can
realize. Let’s take weep with those who
weep; rejoice with those who rejoice. If
we’re honest, the weeping part usually comes easier. When tragedy strikes members of my family, my
heart goes out to them. But when I see
that cousin who has become way more successful than me, rejoicing in that, not
so much.
Or, even more profoundly for this week, these words. Do not repay anyone evil for evil....Beloved,
never avenge yourselves,... No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are
thirsty, give them something to drink; .... Do not
be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
In this new family, God isn’t calling people simply to
love those in the family, but to do good to those far outside, even those who
do great evil. God is saying. This is what I created family to be.
But sadly, the Bible tells the story again and again
of how this vision of family failed. The first murder in the Bible tells you
everything. It’s Cain killing Abel. A brother kills a brother. The disasters that happen in families keep
rolling down. Jacob
deceives his brother Esau and flee so Esau won’t kill him. King David’s son, Absalom, tries to kill his
father and take his throne. And the
list of family messes in the Bible goes on and on.
So, what does God do?
God doesn’t give up. No, God
gives up in Jesus everything to shape a new family, a family that breaks down
every barrier, every prejudice, everything that divides people against one
another.
When Cain kills his brother, God says to Cain. The blood of your brother, Abel, cries
out to me. That blood cried out
division, brokenness, a world where families fell so far short of what God wanted
families to be. Yet, amazingly, in the
New Testament, the book of Hebrews
says this: You have come to Jesus, the One who brought the new agreement
from God to his people, and you have come to the sprinkled blood that
has a better message than the blood of Abel.
For that blood cries out a love that will conquer
every division, every jealousy, every broken place, that will heal every broken
relationship; a love that defeats even death itself. And in that love, God is saying, that even
when your family fails, I won’t. And by
my grace, in communities like this one, I will create a new family, one that even
in its brokenness will bring a new vision of love into the world and a new
sense of family that will change history forever. Wherever you are, whether your family is amazing
or far from that, let that love of a God who in Jesus gave everything for you,
bring you into a new family, where you become God’s beloved child, and part of a
community, a family that by God’s grace is not being overcome by evil, but
overcoming evil with good.
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