Sunday, July 24, 2016

How Does Change Come? Here Are the Two Key Steps that Bring Change

Five thousand dollars for six days or seven grand, if you want the Diamond plan.  And that’s before you’ve paid for your travel and hotel.  That’s what you’ll need to pay to have your Date with Destiny.    For me, it would be more like a Date with Debt.   But every year, 2500 people fork over that money to Life Coach Tony Robbins.   Why?  Tony tells them that in those six days their life will change. 

Well, I don’t have 5 thousand lying around, but I do have Netflix.  So I watched a film that chronicles those days in Boca.   And I did learn a few things.  Tony Robbins cusses a lot.   And he has a gorgeous oceanfront home in Palm Beach.    If you are taking in 15 million dollars in six days, that buys some nice things.  

But more than that, I learned this. People pay that money because they desperately want to change.    And they’re willing to take a five thousand dollar flyer to get it.   And whether you like Tony Robbins or not Tony sincerely wants them to change.   For six days and nights, he pours everything he has into helping that to happen.  

After all, the people in that ballroom in Boca look great.  They seem to have it all together.  But then you hear the stories, some of them heartbreakingly awful, and you get it.   A lot of these people are barely holding on, even to life.   And they know.  Something has to change.  Something has to change inside them.  

And let’s be honest, who doesn’t have something in their life they want to change.  And I’m not talking an outward circumstance.  I’m talking inside where nobody sees but you.   But what you see, you don’t like.  What you see, you don’t want.   Yet, you wonder.   How does it go away?   How do I become free?     How do I really change? 

In the words of this painful and heartfelt prayer, God shows the way.   Let’s hear what God has to say. 

Daniel 9:1-19

Everyone at some level has something, something they want to change.   It may be a habit.  It may be a way of thinking.  It may be a fear that holds you back, a wound that won’t heal; a belief that limits you.   But how does that change happen?   In this prayer of Daniel’s, we see how change happens.   It happens when humility and hope come together.  It happens when you humbly face the source of your pain, but even more, experience the hope that only God can bring.     It happens when instead of looking out, you look in, when instead of looking down, you look up.  

But reading this prayer, you can wonder.  How could these words bring about change?   They seem, well, so depressing.   But the words don’t so much bring the change. They point to the change that is already happening.    What Daniel is experiencing in this prayer, in his life, the Bible calls repentance.    And too often what this word means gets obscured by misperceptions that it simply means a type of remorse.    You did something wrong, and now you feel bad about it, really bad.  But anyone who has experienced that sort of feeling knows that it rarely leads to change.   Often, it leaves you stuck in the same bad place where you already were. But repentance actually means change.   The Greek word that the New Testament writers use literally means a change of mind, a transformation in the way you think.    And in Daniel’s words, that is what we are seeing.  We are seeing evidence of a transformation of mind and heart that has literally changed Daniel.        

And that change does begin with sadness and grief, but a sadness and grief that instead of paralyzing you, frees you.  Why? It actually connects you to the truth that you need to see.  The preacher Bill Coffin put it this way.   Honesty does not come painlessly;  As Jesus said, “The truth will make you free.”,  but, Coffin said, first it makes you miserable!    So how does the misery Daniel feels lead to freedom?

It happens first in where Daniel looks.   Years ago, I heard the leadership guru Jim Collins share a saying that’s stuck with me.   Collins said that good leaders when something goes well, they look out the window.   They celebrate those who helped make the good thing happen.   But when things go bad, good leaders look in the mirror.  Where did I go wrong?  In contrast, poor leaders did the opposite.  When things go well, they look in the mirror (Yea, look at me!), but if something goes bad, they go to the window.  They look for someone to blame.    And Collins’ words don’t simply work for leaders, they work for everyone. 

And they are working here in Daniel’s life.   It would have been simple for Daniel to blame the Babylonians for the destruction of Jerusalem.   After all, it was the Babylonians that destroyed it.     But Daniel knows that the weakness that led to that destruction began within.    It began when the nation lost its way, when they started putting their belief in power, success, wealth, things that didn’t ultimately matter instead of the God who did. And those false beliefs planted seeds that led to their demise.   That’s the truth he needs to see.  

And only in seeing that truth, in looking in the mirror at the failings of himself and his nation, can Daniel find the freedom that leads to change, to the return from exile for which Daniel yearns.  After all, he can’t do anything about the Babylonians.   Those leaders have already gone, conquered by the Medes and the Persians, that new leader to which these first verses refer.   

But more than that, if the problem began in the mirror, if the problem began in Daniel and his nation, then it can end there too.   He realizes that the way to change lies within them, within what they decide to do.    Only with the humility that comes with looking in the mirror, do you see that.     

Many years ago, I went to a sort of Tony Robbins type experience.   And one of the exercises that the leader did with us kind of rocked my world.  He asked each of us in the room to remember a time when we felt utterly powerless and alone.   I didn’t have to struggle for that memory.  I knew it right away.  

When I was in my early teens, I got bullied pretty badly.   A group of kids my age would gang up on me, and do things that well, terrified me.  I’ll never forget how scared I felt when they thought it would be fun to dangle me by my feet from an open window.

But the leader asked us to remember those times, and ask ourselves honestly.  Were you really powerless?  Were there things you could have done?   In my case, he asked me.  Did you ever talk to your parents about it?   Did you ever share the issue with a teacher?   Did you ever reach out to anyone for help?    I realized.   I had done none of those things.   I did have power in that situation.  I simply had not taken it.   Now as we did that exercise, he reminded us do so without judgment.  This wasn’t about beating yourself up.   This was simply about reframing the reality of your situation.   This was about, instead of looking out the window, to start looking into the mirror.

And when I did, I realized that even there I had more power than I realized.   But do you realize what power I had?   I had the power to ask for help, to look to a power larger than myself.  So why didn’t I?  

To be honest, I didn’t reach out because of pride. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I couldn’t deal with that situation on my own.   And in our lives, often what prevents change begins there.   We fight the battle alone.  Not because we need to, but because we don’t want to admit that we need help, that we can’t handle it on our own.    So we suck it up or we minimize the problem or maybe even deny it’s there.   We do whatever it takes to avoid facing the fact that what we face is bigger than us. 

But here’s a reality of life.  Bringing significant change often only happens when we bring someone in to help.  It’s why people hire trainers or go to Weight Watchers or see therapists and the list could go on.   But in life, you will face some changes that require far more than that.   

It’s why in 12 step programs, after you admit that you have a problem that is making your life insane, the very next step you take is face the truth that this problem you can’t handle alone.  And for this problem, other people can help but they’re not enough.  You need a power greater than yourself, greater than others, to restore your life to sanity.    And as millions of recovering alcoholics and addicts can attest, when you reach out beyond yourself, that help comes.  Healing comes.  Change comes. 

At times at night, our son Patrick has a bad dream.   And when he wakes up, what does he do?  He cries out.   And what do we do?  We come running.   We come to comfort, to assure him that he is not alone.  We come to make it better.   Yet how often the wisdom that my child exhibits, we fail to practice.    When change needs to happen, when problems hit that are too big for you, do you cry out for help?  Or do you hold your pain in rather than bring it someone, much less the only One who can truly heal it, who can bring the ultimate change you need?

But Daniel doesn’t go that route.  He cries out to God, to the only One who can bring the change he needs.    But why would God help?   After all, even though Daniel and his nation have suffered in exile for 70 years, they still haven’t gotten it right.   Even Daniel, who has risked death again and again for his faith, admits even he hasn’t gotten it right.   Yet still he asks.  Why?    It’s not because he hopes in his nation to get it right.  He clearly knows that won’t happen.  No, he hopes in God’s mercy to make it right.   But what Daniel could only hope in, we can trust in.    

For, while Daniel risked his life for love of God, in Jesus, God gave his life for love of us.  And Daniel could not ask for forgiveness on the basis of his righteousness, but on that cross, God in Jesus could and did, even as we nailed him there.   And because he did, because on that cross, he got no mercy, you now have mercy without end.   You have the mercy of the ultimate grace, the ultimate undeserved gift, the love of a God who brings you back, even from the exile of death itself.   And in that mercy, in that grace, anything is possible, not simply resurrection in the life to come, but resurrection, right here, right now. 

At the end of that Netflix movie, Tony Robbins tells this story.  When he was growing up, he tells the interviewer, he was simply trying to survive in a household with an unstable, abusive mother, doing whatever he could to protect himself and his siblings.   But as a sophomore in high school, he took a speech class.  He wasn’t so interested in the class as in a beautiful senior he wanted to impress.   So, to do so, he became the class clown, trying to crack everyone up.   One day, the teacher, Mr. Cobb, said some dreaded words.   Mr. Robbins, he said, please stay behind.  I need to talk with you.   Tony thought.  I am so busted.   But Mr. Cobb looked at him.   He said, “You think you know why you’re here. But you don’t.   I know you’re just trying to impress her.  I don’t care about that.  But I see how you can hold everyone’s attention.  You aren’t just a speaker, Mr. Robbins.  You are a communicator.   And I know about your home life too.  Tony was thinking. How can he possibly know about that?   So I am going to give you a speech called the Will to Win.   I want you to read it, and if that speech says what I think it does about your life, then I have this letter about a contest in persuasive oratory. I want you to enter that contest, and deliver that speech.   Robbins said. I read that speech, and it was all about not giving up, no matter what you face.  And that was me, a man just clinging on by sheer force of will.   And I entered that contest, and I won.   And then I entered more, and I won those.   And I realized. I had found a way to reach people, to connect.   As Tony tells the story, the tears start to come.  The interviewer asks him.   Why is it still an emotional experience for you to even tell that story?  Tony says. Because, I see it as a moment of grace.  That man, in my life, handing me that letter, seeing who I was in that moment, that was grace.  It was a lot I’ve done, but that was grace.  I didn’t create that….It’s a connection to the Divine, that it’s more than you, and I think that’s a healthy thing. 


Do you realize that?  It is more than you?  It is a God who has given everything in Jesu for you, so you can have abundant life, not just when you die, but right here, right now.   Where do you need that life? Where do you need change?  Where do you need God to bring you resurrection?   Wherever it is, let him work.  Let Jesus work his grace in you.    

No comments:

Post a Comment