Sunday, September 28, 2014

Three Steps to Deep Personal Change

Years ago, I read this quote, and it has stuck with me to this day.  Why?  I found it to be painfully true.    The writer Bill Owens said.   People are not resistant to change.  They make changes all the time.  They are resistant to being changed.   Isn’t that true?   We can adjust our schedules.  We can change our hair styles or the clothes we wear, all sorts of things.   But when it comes to deep, inward change that is far more difficult. 

Often even when we want that deep inward change, when we’re not resisting it, it doesn’t happen.    We can see changes that need to be made. Yet still they don’t happen.  Why?

After all, the Gospel says that we can be changed.   By God’s grace, we can overcome anything.   We can have the victory.   We can never fall so far that God cannot reach down, pick us up, and set us on the right path.  But why does that not happen?  How can we get to a place where it does.  How does real, lasting inward change come?  

We can learn from someone whose refusal to change blew his life up, David, the great king of Israel.   He coerced a close friend’s wife to sleep with him, and then killed that friend, one of his own soldiers and several other soldiers with him to cover up his misdeed.   He thought he had even gotten away with it, until God, through the prophet Nathan, called him out.   And when God did, David woke up.  He saw the great evils he had done, and it threw him into deep despair. 

When all of a sudden, you see a wrong, a failing that you had been willfully blind to before, it can be pretty devastating.  You don’t want to face yourself after something like that.  You’re ashamed.   And forget about facing other people.  After this blew up, David wondered how he could have the credibility to lead anyone much less a nation.   And he wondered too how God could use him after he had fallen so far.  Yet in the words we are about to hear, David found a way out.  He emerged from this disaster, one of his own making, to become an even greater king, and stronger servant of God.   He did experience deep, inward change.   How did it happen?   In these words, God shows us the way.  Let’s listen and hear what God has to say. 


How did David do it?  How did David not only recover from his deep despair, but use this huge failing in his life as a springboard for transformation?     David does it by repenting.   Now if you hear that word, repent, and go what?   How can repenting change me?   Repenting just makes me feel bad -.   If that’s the case, you’re not getting what repenting is.   Repentance means change, and not just surface change, but change at the deepest part of who we are. 

And that brings us to the first step in the experience of change that repentance brings.   First, we’ve got to go deep.   We’ve got to cut down far enough to get at what actually is creating the problem.    And David does two things to get down that deep. 

First, David sees his wrong as God sees it.   As he puts it in verse 4.   I have sinned, O God, in your sight.   Often, that’s the biggest problem with us not experiencing change.  We’re not truly seeing the real issue.   All of us likely have a favorite picture of ourselves, and why is it our favorite?  We look good in it.  And why do we look good?   Probably because it covers or obscures some unpleasant part of us that we know is there.   If you have a big nose, you can come up with a camera angle where the nose isn’t that big or if you’ve got a little paunch like me, you can find a way to get a shot that covers that paunch up.    Just like those pictures, when it comes to the messed up stuff in our lives, all of us can find a point of view that hides that reality; that obscures that truth.   That’s why we need the one view that doesn’t hide the truth. And that view is God’s view.   Why do we look to the Bible for guidance on moral issues, to discern truth?  In it, we find the viewpoint of the One who created us.   On our own, it’s way too easy to deceive ourselves, to justify whatever we want to justify.    Sure what the Bible tells us may make us uncomfortable, but that’s what truth often does. 

But beyond seeing his wrong from the truest viewpoint there is, God’s, David doesn’t avoid the truth of why he did the wrong.   Again and again, he uses words like my transgressions, my iniquity; my sin.  He makes it clear.  I did this.  No one else made me do it.   Yet too often, when it comes to the wrong stuff in our lives, we cop out.   We avoid that painful truth.  For example, no one can make you mad.  Sure people can do infuriating things.   But we don’t have to react to them in anger.   We choose to do that.  The only person who makes you mad is you.   In fact, whatever we choose to do in life, including the wrongs we commit, we choose because in that moment that is what we most wanted to do.    For example, someone might say, I didn’t want to lie but if I hadn’t lied, I would have lost my job.   The circumstances forced me to lie.  But is that the truth?   No, the truth is you wanted money and security more than honesty.   You did it because in that moment, that’s what you most wanted. (Tim Keller)  Circumstances or other people don’t make you mess up.   They might help shape how you mess up, but they don’t cause it.  You cause it.  If you did wrong, you did it because that’s what you most wanted to do. 

I remember years ago, I was talking to my sister about some bad habit I was struggling with and how I so wanted to stop it.   She asked me.  “Well, Kennedy, what’s the pay-off?”   I asked, “The pay-off”   She said. “You wouldn’t be doing it if there wasn’t some sort of pay off.   It may be a negative pay off, but there is a pay-off.   So find the pay off, then you’ll be on your way to freeing yourself of the habit.”   When we do wrong, nobody makes us do it but us.  And we do it, because that’s what we most wanted to do in the moment. That’s the pay-off we most wanted.           

And David realizes. This is the simple but difficult truth he had avoided.   That’s why he talks about how God desires truth in the inward being.  David knows now, in his inward being, there had not been truth.   And if we are to truly change, we have to have that same deep inward truth.  We have to face the fact that the only person who caused our wrong-doing is us.   David does no blame-shifting.   He takes it fully on.    So often we can think we’re repenting when we’re really complaining.   Yes, God I did that, but I did it because my spouse did this or my friend did that or the pressure got too great.   Whatever.   In the end, you did it.   Own that.    So now that we’ve gone deep, now that’s we’ve gotten close to the root of our problem, how do we cut that tumor out.  How do we heal ourselves?    We let our heart be melted.  

If you have a piece of metal that is cracked, how do you fix it?   You can’t take a hammer to it.   If you do that, you’ll dent it or maybe even break it, but no way will you fix it.   So how do you fix it?   You melt it.  Why?  Then you can mold it.  Then you can fill in the cracked or weakened places.  You can make it usable again, maybe even better than before.   

In the same way, when we mess up, we can confront our failure in ways that simply makes it worse, that breaks us down even further.   Or we can confront it in a way that truly restores; that actually heals.   Both will cause us some pain, but only one actually makes us whole.   The hammer way so to speak is that we make ourselves miserable through fear.   And the melting way is that we make ourselves miserable through mercy.   And that is what David does here. 

Right at the beginning, David says, Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love.  When we read steadfast love, we are seeing a translation of a very unique Hebrew word, Hesed.  It’s such a unique word that we struggle to find a way to translate it that really gets its meaning.   I don’t know if steadfast love gets there.   It might be better to say, according to your unbreakable love, according to your love that will never walk away from me ever.  That’s what Hesed means.  And when David starts off like that, he is reminding himself of who God is.  

Why did David mess up?   He lost touch with this love, with the God who loves him more than he can even grasp.  When he writes, restore to me the joy of your salvation, we can think that David lost it because of the wrongs he did.   But, no, it was his losing of joy that first started him on the path to those wrongs.  When we do something wrong, ultimately, it’s because we have lost touch with this unbreakable, irrevocable love of God.  We have lost the joy of our salvation.   That’s why David writes.  Against, you God, you alone, have I sinned.  My sin doesn’t begin with Bathsheba or with Uriah.  My sin begins with you, with my losing touch with the ultimate reality of my life, your love for me.  Until we see that, we’re not down deep enough.  We’ve got to humbly place ourselves before the One who would rather die, than walk away from us, whose love for us is unbreakable, who loves us no matter what.

If you mess up, and just beat yourself with a hammer.  “Oh, God, please don’t punish me for doing wrong.  Please don’t walk away from me.”   You are never going to get healing.  You will just break yourself down more.  You won’t end up hating the sin, but you will end up hating yourself.   Your fear and shame will restrain you for a while, but the sin will come back.   Why?   Nothing has changed.  You might even be more broken and beat up then you were before. 

But if you see the truth, how radically, how utterly God loves you, you will start hating the sin, and loving yourself more.  Why?   You will see more clearly how deeply, how profoundly, God loves you.  And that will change you.   It will lead you to walk away from the things that mess you up.  Why?  You won’t crave the false gods anymore.  You won’t desire the junk that promises fulfillment but never delivers, but instead leaves you empty and alone.  You’ll want the God who seals his promises with his very life.   And like David then, you will then stop living in the past and start looking to the future.  After verse 11, that’s what David does.  He begins to rebuild his life.  He begins to joyfully sing.    So see your sin and own it.  And as you do, see the One whose loves frees you from it.  And you will be changed, so much so instead of grieving, you will even sing!



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